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B-Movie Reviews

Posted by CliffStamp 
B-Movie Reviews
July 31, 2014 06:12AM
I watch a lot of b-moves (and even c, d and all other letter movies). I do this mainly when I doing the stock cutting and at this point it is almost a chicken/egg issues of what prompts what.

Ninja Apocalypse Imdb : [www.imdb.com]

This is the basic plot :

-the main ninja calls all clans to come together and seize control
-they have to go under a truce (no weapons)
-that leader is assassinated in the middle of the speech
-a small gang of ninjas is accused (falsely) of being the one who killed him
-that gang has to make it back home before the other ninja gangs do them in

You might have already seen this movie, it was called The Warriors (imdb : [www.imdb.com]).

As soon as the main ninja is assassinated it becomes obvious that this was inspired/cloned and you are just watching "The Warriors 2 : Now with Ninjas!". They even duplicate entire scenes such as they have a brief moment of peace among all the battling only to see an all female group, attempt to have a little recreation and then end up fighting them.

In regards to things like plot, dialogue, action, special effects, it is all low. It is not so ridiculous that you actually laugh at seeing wires and shout "Hadouken!" whenever they fire a chi blast, but you do wonder if you could also be a b-movie star, especially when Antoinette Kalaj comes on screen.

Even if you had not seen The Warriors you can easily guess what happens (spoilers) :

-they complain about not having weapons
-all the other gangs have lots of weapons
-there are a string of fight scenes
-the gang is slowly whittled down
-one of the sacrifices themselves to save the group
-there is infighting
-the true assassin is revealed (and killed)
-the few surviving members of the rag tag gang make it home
-everyone realizes those dudes are real bad-ass ninjas, they get mad props and they all get free $nody tactical katanas

I rate these movies by a very simple scale.

Did I :

-stop cutting occasionally to watch the movie
-ever rewind a scene
-pause it when I left the room

If so then it gets a pass.


However if :

-I rarely look up
-never rewind
-just leave it running

then it gets a fail. If I turn it off it is a super-fail, if I keep it to watch it again it is a super-pass.

This ones gets : pass

As a spotlight, here are two of the cast :

-Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa (more of a cameo)
-Ernie Reyes Jr. (main character)

If you don't recognize those names then you are not allowed to carry/own a katana or any other ninja/samurai equipment.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/31/2014 06:16AM by CliffStamp.
Re: B-Movie Reviews
July 31, 2014 09:10AM
In the Blood Imdb : [www.imdb.com]

This movie is nothing more than a vehicle for Gina Carano who was arguably the first name in MMA for women and may in fact be coming out of retirement to challenge Rhonda Rousey for the title. This potential fight has sent off massive fanboy quakes through Sherdog on both sides of the argument. The match could be an epic squash (like the last Rousey fight) or it could be a historic upset akin to St. Pierre vs Serra which could in fact break the internets.

The plot of In the Blood is very simple :

-a newly wed couple is on vacation
-the husband is injured
-the hospital "loses" him
-the wife goes on rampage of revenge to get her husband back

It has a number of classic/stock characters and plot lines :

-wife with "troubled" past
-corrupt senior police officer
-husband/family is rich thus father assumes wife with "troubled past" killed him for the inheritance

As soon as a character starts to have a "hard knocks" life you start to smell what is cooking and that they are going to have to lay the smack down and sure enough that happens within minutes with little character development. Because of this there is no real attachment to anyone, they are mainly just there to provide filler for the fight scenes.

Now you might be thinking, hey I have already seen this move, it was called Taken (Imdb : [www.imdb.com])

As soon as the husband was "missing" and the rampage starts you can see the similarities, even including the constant clashes vs the corrupt police who try to get the wife off the island and from killing everyone in sight. Now to be clear unlike Taken these people are shells who have no real depth of character, there is little in the way of side story to have to involved in them and if you watched it and had to describe the husband you would have little to say aside from he has the good fortune to be married to Gina Carano.

But, and this is a significant butt, Carano has the real ability to perform violence on another person and has had violence performed on her in extremes (and unlike Rhonda even went a few rounds with the 'borg). In the non-action scenes she does little to carry it, but when they start there is an intensity and realism (within movie bounds) that I would even say with some hesitation that were in fact superior to Taken. In between the action it drags, but when that is there (which is often) it is decent.

This is easily a super-pass as I have watched it more than once.

As a spotlight these are a few of the cast :

-Treat Williams
-Danny Trejo
-Luis Guzmán

These are all b-movie stars and one of them is the king of b-movie "hard guys", he can make 10-20 movies a year. If you don't know which one he is then hang your head in shame and go back to being a IMAX snob as this dude can almost keep the entire genre afloat himself. I also believe he is possibly my brothers father as it would explain a lot.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/31/2014 09:46AM by CliffStamp.
Re: B-Movie Reviews
July 31, 2014 10:22AM
Does your brother have a Spanish accent?
Re: B-Movie Reviews
July 31, 2014 10:26AM



Chumgeyser on Youtube
E-nep throwing Brotherhood. Charter Member
Re: B-Movie Reviews
July 31, 2014 11:02PM
The answer is Danny Trejo ...the man makes one scared just looking him, Cliff...
Covered in tattoos, belonged to gangs into violence, been in prison doing hard time, on death row for a time...

He leaves prison...
He decides to be a movie actor...
First job, the director asks him to be a tough guy...he smiles, and says, " I will try my best... "grinning smiley

The rest is history...

BTW...He did some ads for Old El Paso tortillas...very good...

[www.youtube.com]



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/31/2014 11:03PM by Stuart Ackerman.
KWB
Re: B-Movie Reviews
August 01, 2014 12:45AM
This kinda of sounds like syfy movies, I like to have them on when I am on the net, sharpening etc it helps me to not hyper focus ( yes, it can be a problem) on what I am doing.

Contact 570-486-9095
Re: B-Movie Reviews
August 01, 2014 06:40AM
The Purge 2 (imdb : [www.imdb.com])

There are a few ways to do a sequel :

-take an interesting concept, expand on it, turn it around/inside out and run with it to new places/situations and develop the idea

-use the first one as marketing and hope to cash in on the reputation and get a few views

The Purge 2 is of the latter and is so shallow there is almost no discussion of what is happening, there is no setup and if you didn't watch the first one you would likely be wondering what was going on as it is only casually referenced. The basic plot is :

-the government has decided that one day a year there is a 12 h "no holds barred" window which includes everyone aside from a select few

-anyone can be yanked into this at any time and there are no consequences so you can kill your boss and casually go to work the next day

There are many movies of this type, some kind of future situation where the law is revoked in certain cases and you can go nuts without consequences either on a select few or all of the population. In almost all cases there are a very elite group which isn't subject to this who are usually the ones in control. The movies which do this well explore that society and how it is to live there for both and truly immerse you in it, or the characters or violence/extreme actions can hold for their own sake. None of this happens in the Purge 2.

In fact the consequences of the purge, the effects it makes on life is not even really hinted at and what you see is fairly odd behavior. Now maybe people would react that way given the nature of this kind of rule/behavior after years of being subjected to it but it isn't much explored and just seems odd. "Hi Joe, yeah just heading home, only have 45 minutes, don't want to get raped again this year!" . If you want to see an interesting exploration of impending violent death then watch the Calvary (Imdb : [www.imdb.com]) where a priest finds out he is going to be killed (executed) and has only one week to live.

The basic plot of the Purge 2 :

-a rag tag group of misfits are running around
-everyone and their mother is killing anyone they can see/find

The movie doesn't even hint at some basic questions such as why is killing the only thing, how come there are no sexual crimes or even theft and why does everyone just jump to killing, how about just punching your neighbor in the nads? Maybe there are reasons for this, maybe everyone who stole in the first purges or raped were targeted in the next purges and maybe we all will go over 9000 if there were no laws, but just to jump to that point is kind of weak.

With the lack of character development all that is left is the violence which isn't that extreme and doesn't hold for its own sake especially as you don't care about the characters. At one point I actually referred to a character mentally as generic helpless female.

This is a fail as I turned if off after an hour as a friend dropped off some WWI documentaries .

Cast highlight :

-John Beasley

Has mainly a cameo. He is a solid supporting actor (50+ movie credits) and plays the father of one of the ragtags.
Re: B-Movie Reviews
August 02, 2014 08:53AM
I can try and write a few reviews later. I have seen my fair share of B-grades, and lower. I mainly watch them because they are so absurd it is hilarious. However I have seen one or two that were really well done, they just didn't have the budget to make it full scale.

One was the Maneater series, it was titled Roadkill.

A few notable ones that were pretty funny were Sharktopus and Sharknado. A few based on Megalodon (a personal interest of mine as a side note) were pretty dang funny.

Cliff do you watch UFC? I was watching for awhile, but it is rather pricey, I would generally try and get a group buy thing going. At any rate I just following live bloggers during events lately.

A wise man can learn more from a foolish question, than a fool can learn from a wise answer.
Re: B-Movie Reviews
August 02, 2014 09:00AM
Quote
StanLee

A few notable ones that were pretty funny were Sharktopus and Sharknado.

Yeah there is a bunch of sub-genres from the ones where no one takes anything seriously including the people making the movie to the clones of large/popular movies.

Quote

Cliff do you watch UFC?

From the time that Gerard Gordeau knocked out Teila Tuli's teeth.

I am really curious about Cormier vs Jones.
Re: B-Movie Reviews
August 02, 2014 09:08AM
Quote
CliffStamp
From the time that Gerard Gordeau knocked out Teila Tuli's teeth.

That's funny. Look at the physique and demeanor of fighters back then vs. fighters now. Gordeau looked like a chain smoker coming off a bender when he Tuli.


Chumgeyser on Youtube
E-nep throwing Brotherhood. Charter Member
Re: B-Movie Reviews
August 02, 2014 09:09AM
Quote
CliffStamp
Quote
StanLee

A few notable ones that were pretty funny were Sharktopus and Sharknado.

Yeah there is a bunch of sub-genres from the ones where no one takes anything seriously including the people making the movie to the clones of large/popular movies.

Quote

Cliff do you watch UFC?

From the time that Gerard Gordeau knocked out Teila Tuli's teeth.

I am really curious about Cormier vs Jones.
That was a really crazy moment. I didn't see it live, but I recently watched a documentary on UFC's history and saw that footage.

Cormier vs Jones has me highly intrigued as well. I admit to not being a huge Jones fan, he is an incredible fighter, it's just his personality.

Cormier is such an athlete himself, and an Olympian to boot.

A wise man can learn more from a foolish question, than a fool can learn from a wise answer.
DK
Re: B-Movie Reviews
August 15, 2014 08:05PM
speaking of the similarities you mention about warriors and ninja apocalypse and whatnot. last man standing(bruce willis) and For A Fistful Of Dollars (clint eastwood) are two strikingly similar movies. quiet loner rides/drives into a town divided into two factions with few innocents in the crossfire plays both sides against eachother working as a sigle and double and maybe a triple agent and creates a war, gets beat up over a skirt, taken care of by innocent civilian, dealings with nefarious military groups, guy rides out of town after helping little miss helpless onto a stagecoach/bus and leaves town as broke as he was when he got there after making mass money off both sides. they are nearly identical and they are both awesome movies. i know they aren't b-movies, so i apologize but, i've seen a zillion(really...a zillion) movies. i really love old kung fu movies like 36 crazy fists and kung fu vs yoga. also, evil dead trilogy rules. i wish they'd make a sequel to army of darkness before bruce campbell kicks the bucket, especially since they left the last one wide open for it. oh...and i'd watch anything with bruce campbell in it. including bubba ho-tep, maniac cop, my name is bruce, etc...

"knives save lives" on youtube
all i want for christmas is more arm hair -DK-




Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/15/2014 08:07PM by DK.
DK
Re: B-Movie Reviews
August 15, 2014 08:28PM
tenacious d and the pick of destiny. yes, i used to indulge in illegal yet natural substances prior to meeting my wife. though i never saw this movie at the time but, it is a super duper pass because it's a fairly low budget film and jack black generally plays in those and yet they are more entertaining than a whole slew of blockbusters. he can do so much with so little.

"knives save lives" on youtube
all i want for christmas is more arm hair -DK-
DK
Re: B-Movie Reviews
August 15, 2014 08:32PM
shaun of the dead. screaming pass in my book along with hot fuzz and anything else with simon pegg in it or nick frost and also any of the old zombie movies. i love zombie movies but, world war z sucked donkey balls.

"knives save lives" on youtube
all i want for christmas is more arm hair -DK-
Re: B-Movie Reviews
August 16, 2014 06:47AM
Sharknado 2

This is the type of B-movie that doesn't really take itself seriously, it knows it is a B-movie and doesn't try to pretend otherwise and quite frankly has a little fun. If you are a movie/tv fan then there is a LOT in here for you to appreciate as little fun bits where the writer/director/producer put in tributes to very famous scenes from well known movies / TV :

-Shatner's "There is something on the wing!" scene recreated with Sharks

-Robert Hays who references Airplane! with his comment that of having flown through much worse than this before

-the Brody family (Jaws)

and almost every other scene references one of the stars past/movies or has some kind of cameo / catch phrase. This is a :

-storm of biblical proportions
-it is like a twister with teeth

It also has a bunch of things like a black stewardess who "always has the chicken" .

It is also chock full of B-movie stars so much that it is almost the ExpenBables IV :

-Ian Ziering
-Tara Reid
-Kari Wuher

and even brings in odd ball celebrities like :

-Kurt Angle (sadly no gold medals)
-Downtown Julie Brown
-Andy Dick
-Judah Friedlander (The World Champion)
-Jared (the subway guy)
-many actual TV reporters/weatherpeople

Now again this is intentionally silly/absurd, even if you get past the whole sharks-in-a-tornado and why are sharks on land scary at all you have to deal with things like :

-sharks that jump out of water to attack someone and will then die within minutes as they can't breath on land

-sharks which are easily handled by just poking them with a normal self-defense taser

-a rope somehow attaches it self to a pole just by throwing it at it

but these things pale in comparison to things like :

-sharks always do head shots on people

-a moving full size shark (about 15 feet long) is split in half with a chainsaw in flight

-people hit full grown sharks like baseballs with actual baseball bats (they land in a baseball field first)

But hey this is a silly movie and it contains things like :

-giant sewer alligators getting eaten by giant sewernado sharks

-the hero at one points actually "jumps the shark" and another character notes it

-and a hero who is confused about if he should be with Vivica A Fox vs Tara Ried (this is sillier than the whole nado thing)

-the reporters are fairly calm and even update with the rate of sharks falling in inches/hour (how does that work exactly?).

This is easily a super-pass but hey, I like silly movies, I watch a ton of them and come on

- Tara Ried even does an Ash (chainsaw not boomstick)

- they have to find weapons and screw katanas they get a viking longsword, the real anti shark sword
Re: B-Movie Reviews
August 16, 2014 08:25AM
Andy Dick... funny.


Chumgeyser on Youtube
E-nep throwing Brotherhood. Charter Member
Re: B-Movie Reviews
August 25, 2014 04:37PM
Detention of the Dead

I will admit it, I have a weakness for zombie movies since I saw the original and watched the hero get shot in the head in the end (spoilers!) and went WTF the good guys are supposed to win?!

This movie has a basic plot of ragtag group has to survive a zombie attack and it has all the high school stereotypes :

-hot cheerleader
-nerd who lusts after cheerleader
-big dumb jock who dates same cheerleader and bullies same nerd
-smart asian kid who is a "doper"
-freaky goth chick

This movie combines the slow zombies with the rage zombies because the zombies "obviously retain some characteristics of the hosts".

It does have a few cool parts, the asian tries to shotgun a zombie head he keeps as a pet, it has a Breakfast Club scene which has an exact clone of the "how hard it is to be popular" speech (one of my favorite movies) and the geek even brings a gun because he was going to kill himself.

There is also some fairly low brow humor including a scene with a zombie arm, the cheerleader and asian+geek which was amusing in a very childish way which if I was 15 I likely would have thought was awesome.

However after about 50 minutes his was passed on.

Fail. - but a weak one, if I wasn't gifted a big box of terrible movies awhile ago I likely would have continued to watch this, so really Fail+, or maybe Pass-.
Re: B-Movie Reviews
August 25, 2014 04:41PM
Detention of the Dead sounds pretty good actually. The Breakfast Club makes my top 5 all time favorite movies.


Chumgeyser on Youtube
E-nep throwing Brotherhood. Charter Member
Re: B-Movie Reviews
August 26, 2014 09:58AM
Quote
Chum
Detention of the Dead sounds pretty good actually.

The Breakfast Club scene was well done (for a B-movie) as it sort of hints at it for awhile and then gradually just melds into it. In fact the rest of the movie starts to play out several of the lines from that - very loosely.
Re: B-Movie Reviews
August 26, 2014 10:02PM
The 13th Warrior with Antonio Banderas. It's fun to watch him grind a viking long sword into something resembling a scimitar.
Re: B-Movie Reviews
August 28, 2014 01:00PM
Do any of you watch any of the online video B-Z movie reviewers? The Cinema Snob stands out as most relatable here, film brain (bad movie beatdown) as well

_______________
Coffee and Blood
Re: B-Movie Reviews
September 02, 2014 04:01PM
Raymond Did It : [www.imdb.com]

This is possibly even a C-movie and is basically a generic Halloween on a budget. It takes you back to a time when non-PC insults were acceptable and all the kids were on "the reefer" ... ah good times.

Raymond, who is a big friendly dude who isn't going to be studying quantum mechanics any time soon undergoes a traumatic childhood accident (sound familiar) and who returns years later (sound familiar) to take vengeance on those who wronged him (sound familiar).

This is not a good movie, it isn't even a bad movie, but it is amusing because of that, its so bad that it is amusing and it has awesome one liners :

"He shoved a curtain rod through him like he was a rotisserie chicken!"

"I am a mechanic, not a doctor!" (ok, you have to be a Star Trek geek to find this amusing)

So Ray Ray comes back, goes on a rampage, or starts and is quickly incapacitated by a selection of kitchen pots and pans but our reluctant heroes make the fatal mistake and prove they have never seen a Friday the 13'th movie, you always cut off the head and take the heart.

Raymond doesn't afraid of duct tape body bags and drowning and returns and ok I'll give them credit, death by lawnmower is always kind of cool and who kills people by washing cycles, points for that.

This is a pass, but again mainly as it is so bad it is funny.
Re: B-Movie Reviews
September 03, 2014 07:06AM
Hey Cliff, have you seen Yor: The Hunter From The Future, or any Reb Brown movie? [www.imdb.com]

He has one of the cooler theme songs, which confirms that he is THE MAN

[www.youtube.com]

_______________
Coffee and Blood
Re: B-Movie Reviews
September 03, 2014 01:17PM
Quote
Shurdi3
Hey Cliff, have you seen Yor: The Hunter From The Future

Of course.

--

Chavez Cage of Glory : [www.imdb.com]

A minority fighter from the streetz faces the heavyweight champion in a spectacular event as a last minute replacement. Sound familiar? You might have seen this already as Rocky - well see it again with MMA.

There has been a steady stream of MMA movies to capitalise on the popularity especially as the UFC has even moved into mainstream media through FOX (do you even train UFC, bro?) .

This movie even brings in some of the direct scenes of Rocky :

-fighter asks for a blessing from a priest
-significant other doesn't want him to fight

This movie has Trejo as (of course) as the hispanic gangster in a side plot of trying to get a criminal element in on the fight once the event starts to get promoted.

Is this an entertaining movie - not really. However I am a sucker for Trejo and there are some big MMA events coming up (Weidman vs Belform - likely a smash, Diaz vs Silva - going to be entertaining, Cain vs Master of the Troll Face - wall and stall) including Waterson's fight this weekend. Ok Waterson's isn't really a barn burner but she brings it and has a decent sense of humor ( [www.youtube.com] ) .

The climax is a fight that just bleed fans would love to see and it makes the Super Samoan vs Bigfoot look tame and demonstrates a rear naked choke defense that Chael Sonnen should have learned.
Re: B-Movie Reviews
September 03, 2014 01:26PM
Yor easily has one of the most amazing scenes in television.
[www.youtube.com]

What about "The Barbarians" ?

It has the sexiest poster of all



_______________
Coffee and Blood



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/03/2014 01:27PM by Shurdi3.
Re: B-Movie Reviews
September 04, 2014 12:05AM
My dad raised me on Z grade movies. Mostly horror and scifi, and oh boy where there some doozies in there.

One of my favorites was a Japanese one called Zeram.

The plot:
An alien super-criminal weapon has escaped prison and is hiding on earth. A bounty hunter tracks it down and traps it in a rapidly disintegrating artificially created mock up of a earth city. She unfortunately accidentally traps two human utility workers inside with her and the creature.
She must battle and kill the creature before time runs out and the artificial world falls apart. As well as keeping the creature from eating the two humans.

It is mostly power ranger like action scenes, with a heavy dose of scifi tech babble.
With a dash of horror with the monster trying to eat the humans and spawning off these horrible minion monsters to track down the humans.
Re: B-Movie Reviews
September 07, 2014 09:51AM
Ha, I was a big fan (still am) of those old style action movies and the Barbarian twins were a classic duo, too few movies.

--
Bermuda Tentacles : [www.imdb.com]

This is a made-for-tv movie and like most of the SciFi movies tends to grab a bunch of people who were at one point pretty strong names and are starring now in these movies :

-Linda Hamilton
-John Savage
-Jamie Kennedy

This one has an odd plot :

The president has to be jettisoned into the Bermuda Triangle (?), the military has to be sent to save him, giant robotic marine life attack them - and of course they just so happen to have a mad scientist on board who can rattle off pseudo-science with the best of them.

This is a pretty weak movie by even SciFi efforts and the only reason I watched it was I was really in the middle of an edge retention comparison and barely paying much attention to it.

The main discussion on this tends to be the radical transformation of Hamilton which lead some people to the postulation of the conspiracy that she has (or is) being played by her twin, hence the differences in appearances.

I will give them credit for one thing, they at least know the difference between hypothesis and theory, points for that.

Pass-
DK
Re: B-Movie Reviews
September 07, 2014 02:56PM
i apologize for the off topic question but, you mentioned it in the first place. what steels were you comparing in this edge retention test? also to be on topic, this doesn't sound like a movie i would watch but, i might considering you gave it a pass...and if i can find it on netflix.

"knives save lives" on youtube
all i want for christmas is more arm hair -DK-
Re: B-Movie Reviews
September 07, 2014 03:56PM
S30V, L6 and k390 - but the comparison didn't go anywhere. I was planning to compare them at a low angle/coarse finish and a high angle/polish but the rope wasn't doing anything to the S30V. I was using a coil of polypropleyne and it was new so the knife was cutting it without any effect. I did 250 cuts and could almost not measure any difference.
Re: B-Movie Reviews
September 07, 2014 04:26PM
Quote
CliffStamp
Ha, I was a big fan (still am) of those old style action movies and the Barbarian twins were a classic duo, too few movies.

--
Bermuda Tentacles : [www.imdb.com]

This is a made-for-tv movie and like most of the SciFi movies tends to grab a bunch of people who were at one point pretty strong names and are starring now in these movies :

-Linda Hamilton
-John Savage
-Jamie Kennedy


Pass-

Wow they sure have fallen.

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